Copyright 2013 Aleasa M. Word All Rights Reserved
Every week I see people putting their comments on Facebook, Twitter and everywhere else about what’s happening on the latest reality show. I must admit it has gotten to the point it seriously works my last nerve. The reason……it’s not really the reality these people live of camera most of the time. So many parts of these shows are scripted but we continue to swallow whatever mess they put on tv for us to see.
Now keep in mind a lot of them start out with the intention of being “real” and use the real lives of the people they cast but they quickly evolve into something else. The something else is a “ratings grabber.” Some of today’s parents have become so addicted to the shows they act like they know these people personally and get upset if you talk about them. They try to justify the actions no matter how outlandish they may be of the people on the shows. And….so what if someone throws a drink in another person’s face – they deserved it right? And who cares if women get into brawls pulling hair and clawing each other – that’s the way we live in the real world right? Yet we then tell our children, co-workers, employees and others this behavior is unacceptable. Many of these young people have grown up in a world that this IS ALL THEY SEE and what they know to be REAL! They’ve not had the benefit of seeing anything else.
Subsequently we then wonder why our children are so violent today. We have become a nation who feeds our families crap for dinner by way of the garbage we accept as entertainment on television, radio and all over. The excuse "it's just good fun" is only that - an excuse! It's not your escape from reality when you believe it is someone else's reality. I ask you the following:
At what point do we stop feeding ourselves dysfunction for dinner? What goes in eventually goes out. Valuing these shows increases ratings and makes the folks making money off of this think we want and need more. Ask yourself this, is all of my intellect only worthy of the dysfunction of reality tv? If not, why do you continue to entertain it?
Copyright 2013 Aleasa M. Word All Rights Reserved
Note: Mz. Word offers an exclusive men's program at www.chapteriiformen.com
About a year ago I chatted with a man via social media who was on the verge of a divorce and said he was afraid he was going to have a nervous breakdown. He was devastated because he simply wanted out. His significant other wanted to stay in their situation even though she was miserable too. They’d been to counseling 4 times and separated twice. He was stuck and just didn’t know what to do anymore. He admitted he loved her deeply but was not IN LOVE with this woman and felt like an awful man for wanting a divorce because he didn’t want to hurt her.
I find it funny that we continue to believe that women who are usually thought of as emotional creatures somehow get exclusivity to that title when men are automatically deemed the polar opposite. We are finding more people know that but fewer people acknowledge it. Many of us ladies complain that we want men to show more emotion yet if they do we sometimes lose respect. Men, to put it bluntly, are just as emotional if not more so in some cases; but, the way in which they exhibit their emotion is not the same as it is for the majority of women. Mostly in part because it is not acceptable from a societal standard for men to be openly emotional, they tend to suppress their feelings. Through a trained eye and ear, however, a person can tell when a man is in emotional turmoil.
I challenge women to make a decision when it comes to men. Just like we can’t be all things they want, they aren’t going to be all things we want either. We need to decide which of those things we can and cannot live with. In making that decision I will caution as to the rule that should go along with it. If we choose to live with certain things as it pertains to others it means we have let go of our emotional feelings of resentment and dislike over those tendencies or behaviors. It means we have fully accepted this is a part of that person that simply just “IS” and more than likely will never change no matter how much we really want it to. If you cannot get to THAT place, then you have not accepted the issue that is bothering you and it brings you to a place where you will either have to look at your own value systems or move on.
Because men tend to compartmentalize things, it makes us feel sometimes as if they don’t care. Everything has its place and so they can continue to function with work and whatever else is on their plate they have to do what they have to do! As in the case of moving on, once they make a decision to do so there is often no going back. This does not indicate they don’t care but things often happen in a sequential manner and this is the sequence in which they see things going at that time. Sometimes that decision is wrong and other times it is right; but, regardless it is a decision they choose to own. Inside they have usually anguished with the decision for quite some time if they genuinely cared for the other person long before it was apparent.
I recently read a post on Facebook where someone said “if women can fake orgasms, why can’t men fake relationships?” The truth is we all have had times when we faked the reality of our relationships. Women may ask if he’s trying to figure out whether or not he should stay shouldn’t he discuss this with us as soon as he feels this way? Ladies – HELL NO!!! They know how we are and that can open up a can of worms they may not be willing to deal with at that time. The truth is, it could just be a lull. They could just be bored or they need to weigh all things out just like we do when we commiserate with other women about what’s going on in our own lives (bad move to discuss all or your relationship details with another female though).
Just as our little boys that we raise have feelings where they outwardly cry, men still cry but most are just not as obvious. If your relationship ended or is in the phase of ending and you know for a fact that you two were at some point in love, know also that this is not easy on him. Unfortunately, someone had to make a choice for you both to find happiness again and perhaps it was him.
Breakups are no easy but the times we spend together should be cherished because nothing in this life is guaranteed.
I know this is not what many expect in a blog post but I felt I wanted my faithful readers to know what I was up to these days and why posts have been a little delayed.
Everyone deserves to have love. Everyone deserves to give love. The issue I've found is that we each have a unique definition of what love really is. Without defining that for ourselves BEFORE we become emotionally attached we set ourselves up for failed or unhappy relationships. Sometimes we stay in those relationships because we need to prove something to ourselves, friends or family. Other times we stay there because to be honest, we are sick and damn tired of being alone and figure we can somehow deal with it. There are also those types of relationships we feel we simply can't get out of and we are just miserable and in some cases even afraid.
"Get Right for Love" is not about anyone else but YOU! Even if you're in a relationship already it helps us to look at what we really want and really need from ourselves and others. To do anything else creates a pattern of love-hate towards ourselves at times. We love that we want to love and hate our own choices which boomerangs right back to the way we feel about ourselves. This creates an unintentional self-loathing effect that we can't recognize as we continue down the unhappy road seeking fulfillment in things and people.
Because you were born, that in itself makes you simply amazing! I want each of you to be happy in life and to have the loving relationship you deserve. And YES YOU DESERVE to have a person in your life who thinks you are as incredible as the moon and stars. Some say, "I don't need anyone but God." Well guess what, even God wanted you to have a help mate but not a HURT MATE!
In my life I've suffered a great deal of heartache due to choices I made. I do not regret any of it but instead celebrate the growth I've had from it and the woman I've become. It took a lot of tears, fears, anger and forgiveness of myself to get to a place where I could be ready for a relationship because until I searched within I hadn't realized I wasn't ready before.
We are imperfect beings and we do things to meet needs at the moment we need them. It doesn't make us bad, we are just human. But as humans, it is our responsibility to ourselves to grow for the sake of ourselves so that we can walk in love every day even if we can only love ourselves. The first relationship need is with you!
"Get Right for Love" is a simple guide that needs no complexity for us to understand. If you know me, you know I'm a basic nuts and bolts kind of person and in this read didn't want to bore you with a lot of fluff.
I wish you well on your journey as you improve the amazing human being you already are and discover new things about yourself.
- Mz. Word
Copyright 2013 Aleasa M. Word All Rights Reserved
Can I just tell you I’m so very fed up with all the negativity surrounding President Obama!!! Do I agree with all of his decisions, heck no! Do I think he could have done a lot of things differently, heck yes! But are we acting the way we should as
The most recent shutdown of the government is a disgrace to put it politely. The fact that congressional leaders continue to get paid because that is the law in the face of a shutdown is ridiculous to me. Nonetheless that is what WE have never voted to change!!! I will tell you I give kudos to those leaders who decided to donate their paychecks to charity in light of the circumstances. What’s funny about all of this is people are still making this about President Obama.
As I’ve stated before this has been one of the most disrespected presidencies of all times. How many coon pictures, discriminatory comments about Islam, racial jokes and side bar conversations that merely pointed to race will you ignore before WE as AMERICA acknowledge race and the presidential office is an issue that blinds us to the other issues? George Bush made a mess in my opinion but as we know ‘THAT’S POLITICS’ and we moved on. President Clinton made a mockery of the respect he should have as a president when he and Monica Lewinski’s lewd details were spread across news media all over the world taking away from the focus of running the country. Ronald Regan had issues as well (Lord did he) but with all three of those men there was still a sense of respect for the office of the president. We complained, we didn’t like what they did, but for this current president we have mad his presidency a personal issue showing our ugly sides. Why weren’t the others as personal? Bush’s tactics affected my personal pockets just like the rest of America. Was he constantly called un-american to the point there was a bandwagon who believed it to be so? News flash…….stop acting like Obama is a God who turned his back on the people. He’s a man….a politician!
Barack Obama is in his last term of office and we have officially shut down part of the government over a law that is in effect! Do I think there are parts of Obamacare that need help – damn right! Some people are having a hard time affording what is supposed to be this affordable care. But at the risk of affecting
others who have done nothing wrong is it fair to shut down the government? Speaker of the House John Boehner is getting his healthcare and paycheck! I don’t believe this is about anything more than pure hatred for a man who made his way to an office that some don’t believe he deserves to be in. And because there are racial undertones involved no one wants to openly discuss or acknowledge it.
There are multiple theories on personality and many consider the unconscious. In our consciousness we are aware of what we think and do. In our subconscious we can bring relevant things to surface at will like remembering our 4th grade teacher. In the unconscious we have behaviors and actions that we simply don’t understand. When similarities to us aren’t in place there are things that make us feel uncomfortable. This is the case when we consider gays, blacks (pre-slavery), the women’s movement and any other significant changes in American history. The fact that we have a black president who embraces the gay community AS PEOPLE, speaks about racial undertones for the sake of harmony, belie vies in women’s rights issues is uncomfortable for many who have remained in their comfort zone for a long
This shut down is like a male pissing match to me to see who can pee the longest distance and people are suffering from it. The shutdown is a showdown but we need to shut up and get to work at restoring this country. Congress needs to learn to work with THEIR LEADER just as you and I work with our
managers in the office. Should they lay down and take everything that comes their way – of course not. But at the end of the day people this man was voted into office twice for a reason! It’s because the majority of the American public felt he was the man for the job at the time.
The pressure we now need to put on the government is on our congressional leaders from the bottom up. Wake up America. Our lack of value placed on lower offices did this not the office at the top. Let’s get to work and get those out of work back to work for good!
Coyright 2013 Aleasa M. Word All Rights Reserved
For every 9 ½ times out of 10 I hear a story about a single mom it’s negative. We are called baby mama’s, drama queens, bitter, chicks with attitude and even blamed for every child who has gone wrong when they don’t have a father present. Studies are done professionally and unprofessionally. Everybody is
critic! We are blamed for welfare and food stamp burdens and often for ruining the lives of men who would have been fine had we not gotten pregnant. We are stupid for trying to help men we love if they’re down on their luck and too independent when we set high standards because we want more for our children and ourselves. And in addition to all of that we are supposed to be psychics because EVERYONE knew the guy we had a kid by was no good but we should have seen that right? People are taken advantage of by scams every single day but they're not blamed for not being smart enough in most cases yet single moms are!
With all of that how on earth is a woman supposed to have even a shred of positive self esteem? Additionally with all of these negative stereotypes has anyone bothered to think what impact all of that would have on our abilities to mother our children effectively. Oh that’s right, because they’re in a one parent home they automatically qualify for the school of “guaranteed screwed up kid” right?
Here are some facts the official and unofficial media does not present when discussing these horrible, useless single moms we are supposed to be:
· Many of us are DIVORCED due to marriages that ended when things just didn't go right
· There are plenty of successful people who were products of a single parent home
· Not all kids who are in single parent homes are drug addicts and criminals
·Single moms have feelings and needs too (imagine that)
·Most single moms work, holding down where they live by themselves and many without any child support
while BUYING homes
·Not all single moms bring a bunch of guys around their kids & to the contrary many of us refuse to for while
·And yes, it is possible for a man to pretend to be something he is not just like a woman can and when we
realize it, it’s too late (it’s called acting)
Raising kids is hard even if you have a two parent home; but, when you have a society so self-absorbed they refuse to take a collective approach to accepting responsibility for failing all of our children someone
becomes the scapegoat. In America single moms get a horrible rap but here are is our reality:
·We work full time jobs, run companies, go to school and use both sick and vacation to take care of kids we
did not have by ourselves
· We must manage our budgets, childcare, health care and still show up to work without letting on that we
are having issues
· We are still expected to perform at the same level as our married counterparts even if we were up all night
at the hospital by ourselves with a sick kid
· We DO care about our kids and work hard to help them get a quality education
· We cannot complain about our jobs as mothers because most don’t want to hear it and will throw in our
faces we got our own selves in this predicament
· We hurt inside when we see other kids having benefits of two parent families, additional income and a solid
support system but we must pretend we are fine
· We are chronically tired and would love to date but finding time to investigate the new guy before bringing
him around our kids is sometimes too hard
· Many of us hate having to carry the entire load and the fact that we do is looked at as if we don’t need
anyone when in fact we haven’t found anyone who doesn’t NEED us to do it all
Single mothers are the strongest people in the world if you ask me. We are also undervalued, misunderstood and damn tired! Even those of us who are at home don’t just sit there. Gone are the days of welfare recipients just sitting around doing nothing. The US has made sure these young ladies either go to
school or work. If they don’t, there are no benefits but we still get blamed for collecting more welfare than anyone else and not deserving it while the facts often prove that wrong. I’ve been fortunate to never have been on public assistance but know many who have and they don’t love it!!! They hate it and wish they could do better but every time they try there’s a sick kid or worse their own sickness from stress that gets in
Please stop giving single mothers a bad name. We are stressed women who are over worked, underpaid and our homes are understaffed! We rob Peter to pay Paul, wait for child support checks to come that often don’t or aren’t enough and find ways to feed kids who can’t wait until next payday to eat. And yes many are angry but if you had to do all of this and were blamed for the downfall of the entire country because of your supposedly unruly, unfortunate children you would be too! But who gives a damn about single mothers anyway right?
Copyright 2013 Aleasa M. Word All Rights Reserved
On any given day you can see her walking down a busy
corporate corridor. She bounces through the streets of New York, LA, Chicago and similar cities going from meeting to meeting. Her schedule is full and in today’s world she definitely relies on her smart phone or tablet to get her everywhere she needs to be. She’s a master presenter and could probably even sell a man his own car back because of her convincing knack to say the right
things for the right cause. Some like her are fortunate enough to have a driver while others rely on their own vehicle or even the subway. She is on her “A” game, sharply dressed and wittier
than Dr. Suess himself. She is the “independent woman.” If you step into her path, be prepared to feel the meaning
behind the look in her eyes should you not come correct from the very beginning.
But what’s behind this woman’s life outside of her daily work schedule in the office? Does she work way into the wee hours of night just to get things done right the first time? If she’s a single parent, she’s the ultimate multi-tasker. She goes through the day like a scheduling wizard - managing children’s schedules even with the demands on her time? Does she rush her children through dinner and
activities so she can get back to her work mindset? Is Wi-FI her best friend? How about her bills? She certainly doesn’t need anyone to pay them for her, because they’re on autopay through her bank account. Her extended family relies on her and she’s an integral part of her company’s business model. What more could you say about this fabulous wonder?
How about looking at the other side of this lady? Who is she really? Does she have feelings, needs or
desires outside of the success ladder? Some of these women have been called everything from a bitch to an ice princess or everything in between. Who really knows her and how she ticks? Several don’t have a man and for those who do they are usually looked at as a power couple. A number of men are intimidated because
they overestimate her true needs or she has been hurt so much she just doesn’t seem approachable.
With all of that there is a little, overlooked secret that she guards. Deep down inside there is still that little girl, with that small voice who has been there since her youth. You’ve seen her as you walked by the corners of life. She is filled with the innocence that comes with every child. Her eyes are big and curious and she has a laugh that can make an adult giggle and feel warm from the inside out. This little girl is full of hope, love and the need for acceptance. This woman however, who appears well put together on the outside is just the same as anyone else and like an innocent little girl has a heart that should be handled with care. Often times it takes a very special person to sift through the layers of protection life has covered her with. But one would be wise to know she is there. She wants to be discovered, yet only by the right people while at the same time hoping the wrong people look the other way. She, like any other little girl who turns into a woman longs to be cared for and protected. She seeks the security of life and protection of a man who really loves her. She wants to please her family, friends and even herself. Hopefully she is a God fearing woman and seeks his approval as well. Many think it’s the big things in life that make her happy when in reality it’s only the small things that have the greatest impact on a woman like her.
So why doesn’t the world know about this little girl? Could it be because everyone is too busy to notice she’s still there? Or is this woman so good at hiding her she’s almost mirrors a person in the witness protection program? To some she may seem bitter or even detached on the surface. Maybe her fears won’t let this little girl she harbors out for the world to see. Or could it be she really IS waiting for the right person to find her? The point is she’s there. She’s loving, caring and at times emotionally fragile. She has feelings and cries just like a child skinning their knee after falling off a bike. People often take for granted this independent woman was once dependent and a piece of that still lives inside. It is a part that can be injured, taken advantage of and discarded as if it were the morning trash.
Life does not always offer room for the inner child in us to be exposed yet that does not mean it does not exist. We all long to be cared for and accepted. We want a place of significance in the lives of our family, friends, mate or the world at large. Not only do we want to matter, but we need to feel like we do.
Unfortunately, in a world filled with so many wounded people who hurt others because they are hurting we are forced to shield this little girl living inside. Even the most well-meaning people take this seemingly hard outer shell of this woman and forget there’s a soft inner core that feels every joy and pain life has to offer.
When you come across these women, look past the powerhouse they’ve become and understand who they are beneath the surface. Just like the little girl looking at the sky for butterflies, she is there. She is deeply filled with a childlike innocence that has either been nurtured or violated. Whether treated well or damaged, she is still there. She is human. She is beautiful and sometimes she is you! She wants to matter. She needs to matter. She cries just as much as she supports others even if it is behind closed doors. She is looking
for her place of significance as well as celebrating the significance of others. She needs protection from the elements and looks to those who care about her to help provide that but many times must do it herself.
Don’t let what you see confuse you with what is really there. No matter who or where she is in the
world, deep inside there is STILL – that little girl who has become the independent woman.
Copyright 2013 Aleasa M. Word All Rights Reserved
As you watch television and view social media you see all kinds of direct and indirect messages from and to single people. Dating sites claim to help you find the mate of your dreams as long as you answer their questionnaires and complete your profile in detail. The ads themselves always picture happy smiling people who at one time seemed to be not so happy, lonely people. It makes some people want to run to the computer and put their profile up until they realize that even dating sites know love costs and there is a subscription fee. Even if they sign up for a subscription some guys STILL can’t find a person who is willing to date them let alone end up in a long term relationship with them.
Think about the guy who is simply arrogant and obnoxious. He doesn’t know he’s either of these two but knows he’s alone and he doesn’t like it. What makes him arrogant? What makes him obnoxious?
· Being pushy – telling her how things will be when you go out for a date instead of asking her out
· Over inflating who you are and what you have to offer – this leaves us asking if you’re so great why aren’t
you dating yourself
· Acting as though you’re doing her a favor – why is being in YOUR presence and honor when you know
deep inside you’re honored to have her?
· Assuming she’s a cook – trying to get her to cook for you on the first date makes you look cheap and lazy
· Letting nervousness make you insult her – be careful what you say it could be used against you and be
cause for you not having the next date
I once met a guy who was clearly interested in me. From outward appearances he looked like someone I’d be interested in as well. And then, there was that fatal moment when he opened his mouth. He proceeded to try and tell me his entire life story after he’d flagged me down in the parking lot of my apartment complex to gain my interest. Even though he could be a really nice guy I couldn’t see past his pushiness. He constantly talked about himself without giving regard to getting to know me. He said things like “when we go
out….blah blah blah.” In my head I thought, when the heck did the “hey I think you’re alright could we go out some time” question happen? I really began to think I missed part of the conversation until I realized he assumed I MUST be interested in him since he’d never seen me
I’d like to enlighten my good brothers to a few things that will help out because I really do want you all to find the woman of your dreams and not have you push her away:
· Don’t assume because she entertains conversation that she is interested in you
· Remember relationships are two way streets unless you want to keep talking about yourself and you’ll be on
a one way road to loneliness
· Telling her she “looks good for a woman over….” Is not a compliment, be mindful of what you say
· Never assume she doesn’t have a man and be respectful whether she does or doesn’t
· Please stop thinking you’re God’s gift to all women when you can’t even get one to commit to you
Dating in today’s world is hard but there is no need to make it harder. Women want respect
just like men do and we want to feel valued. There comes a time when you have to put down the boyhood antics of being rude to show a girl you like her unless the person you really want to date is a girl and not a real woman.
Copyright 2013 Aleasa M. Word All Rights Reserved
How many times have you heard a parent who spanks their child say “spare the rod, spoil the child?” Is this merely an excuse for a parent who is at their wits end and cannot effectively discipline their child without violence or is this a parent who knows the power of an occasional swat on the tail because it shows actions result in consequence?
When I grew up I received spankings just like other kids around me. Some called them behind whoopings, others would say they got a beating but it was pretty much all the same thing. Some kids REALLY got it, and others got a swift smack that left a memory! We survived it and more times than not, never repeated the behavior that caused it in the first place. There was a big difference though between those acts of what parents felt was correction vs. people savagely beating their children. Parents who spanked their kids did so with the feeling that they loved them so much they wanted to be the one to correct them instead of the authorities should they become wayward children who turned into jail bird adults. People would even conclude that crime rates were far less then vs now.
Today I was fortunate enough to have a conversation with a woman who survived hurricane Katrina.
We talked about modern children vs. the ones of yesteryear. We both noted how children from toddlers through school age seem to be lacking a component of respect for people in any position of authority. They tell their teachers to shut up, yell at them, ignore them and have even hit them. And to add insult to injury, many of today’s parents will get an attitude if you even bother to think you can tell them their child won’t listen, won’t behave, or won’t do what they are supposed to do. They will quickly let you know they are the only ones who can correct their children yet they don’t CORRECT THEIR CHILDREN. And, these same parents blame teachers and other care givers when their children don’t learn or are out of line. They are also the same ones in tears when THEIR child ends up pregnant at a young age, in jail, on drugs or worse.
How do parents expect teachers and childcare workers who spend the majority of a child’s waking hours with them to teach them anything if they can’t effectively correct them when they are wrong? How will children understand sit down means sit down, no means no and it’s quiet time means just that when these things aren’t enforced at home? Not all parents act this way but to those who do:
· NO child should be telling an adult to shut up or curse at them
· NO child should act so annoyed by an adult who is put in a position to take care of, nurture or educate
them that they retort with things like “what do you want, why are you bothering me, leave me alone etc.”
·NO child should be so disillusioned in life that they believe the ONLY correction they will ever receive is from
their parent – this disservice is the catalyst that sends many kids to jail!
Children need to learn that in life there is structure and hierarchy. How can they learn this however, if their parents aren’t the ones teaching it? Parents I ask you this:
· Why aren’t you requiring your children to show YOU and other adults respect?
o They will need to show this to their peers in the workplace
·Why do you think that allowing a child to express themselves is ok in ALL situations when that’s not the real
world we live in – there is a time and place for everything
· How do you expect YOUR child to learn anything when their self-expression overtakes their willingness or
ability to even learn basic school lessons or have manners?
· Why are you so afraid of telling your child no? No does not mean “I don’t love my parents anymore.”
No one says you have to spank your children but there IS something to be said about strong, consistent discipline. Studies say that violence as in the case of corporal punishment begets violence.
I can’t say I really agree with that because I’ve never been to jail or on drugs and I was married before I had my first child. My siblings own homes and have good jobs. I know many who had spankings when they
were young and it was that correction at home that made them fear the consequences of the authorities and the court systems.
We need to take a stand on effective discipline methods with our children. Whatever your stance is spankings or not – it’s time to STOP letting children think they can say and do what they want because it’s cute or we’re too tired, lazy or guilty to do any better!
Copyright 2013 Aleasa M. Word All Rights Reserved
Each day I see countless reminders of the massacre that is happening to the black man in our world. This massacre is not just from physical death but from emotional deaths as well. Our black men are dying from the inside out and it grieves me to no end. I must first say that I love black men. I was created by a black man, I raised one black man and am working on raising my second.
Today I read yet another article on the statistics as they relate to the homicide rate of black males from the ages of 15-34 noting what many of us already know – homicide is the leading cause of death for these men. It went on to quote yet another widely known statistic about the life
expectancy being lower than other races. Sadly, the fact is, in reading this article it didn’t give me any
information I wasn’t already aware of. It didn’t have any NEW numbers, let alone NEW hope that would have
surprised me. These same statistics are regurgitated over and over again - day after day, year after year with no significant changes to the positive.
I’m sick and tired of crying over what is reported in the news. I’m sick and tired of breaking down every
time a young black man is incarcerated. I’m sick and damn tired of being afraid for my two sons every day and having to constantly reiterate the extra level of caution they must take everywhere they go and in everything they do.
In the end if they aren’t killed first, the lifelong burden on the shoulders of our black men is astronomical. Just making it through school , battling bad neighborhoods, stereotypes from teachers and the public should be enough - but it’s not. Because so many are looked at as a threat especially the darker their skin is, corporate America is still not as friendly to them as it is to others. Women of other cultures still cross the street to avoid even the most innocent black man or clutch their purses tighter in an elevator in spite of a man being suited up. Stress levels in these men cause high rates of hypertension, drug addiction, unchecked depression, and even add to weight gain and cancer rates.
It is still problematic that black men aren’t usually expected to be doctors, lawyers, scientists or
professors. Other cultures in contrast groom their young men (usually without choice) to walk the path of education towards those careers from grade school. Questions I’d like to pose in relation are:
that we are tired, frustrated and overwhelmed EVERY SINGLE DAY?
Whose responsibility is it to show our young men they not only should strive for more but CAN HAVE MORE AND BE BETTER AT THE MORE? Whose responsibility is it to nurture them emotionally when they are so filled with fear all they can do is live offensively every day? It is all of ours. It is the responsibility of women who are bashing men and telling them they “ain’t sh*t” while their own sons hear it and believe this to
be true about themselves. It is the responsibility of our current men who are mistreating women and making their daughters think the only way to get love is to be the next trick on the pole for attention. It is also the
responsibility of the person who feels they have made it in life but does not want to look back because it’s too painful to face realities we are uncomfortable with. And it is the responsibility of those who know right from wrong to NOT forget we must teach in order for people to learn.
We are still failing as a people in so many ways!!! Our sons are dying!!! They are afraid inside, sick
inside and play hard on the outside until the inside eventually rots the outer flesh. I can’t take seeing OUR MEN this way, MY MEN this way. In order for the black race or any race to survive we must create and
nurture strong men. Men are supposed to be the survivalists providing and protecting the families. But who
protects and provides for them? Who allows them to not be judged when they are in their most vulnerable state? Who tells them it is ok to ask for help, get it and then give back to the next man or woman?
I cannot nor will I even attempt to speak on behalf of other women. What I can say is I’m doing my best
as a woman to raise effective, valuable, giving, caring, responsible men and include positive male mentors along the way. My past, like many other women may not have been rich with men who fit this description; however, that does not absolve me from the responsibility of helping my own sons to be great men for
the betterment of the black race, the black family and mankind in general.
Copyright 2013 Aleasa M. Word All Rights Reserved
A friend once said blood doesn’t make you family “love does.” At the time she said it, it was exactly what I needed to hear. Whether you come from a large family or a small one we all expect certain loyalties and supports to be in place simply because we are related. Often times we learn the hard and painful way that blood does not make you trustworthy or caring!
One of the biggest pitfalls when it comes to dealing with relationships with anyone is our level of expectation. We EXPECT people to get that they SHOULD do certain things or SHOULD be a certain way. It is when we expect them to do what is right, fair, just, ethical, needed and such and when they don’t we get upset. Our feelings get hurt and we feel somehow we’ve been trampled upon. We feel like we got snuck by a sucker shot in a bar fight.
I would venture to ask is it fair to project our expectations on others? Or instead should people have higher expectations for themselves and set a standard by which they strive to live no matter what? New flash folks – WE ARE ALL HUMAN! Ok…….yes we know we are human but do we embrace the humanity that within all of us? The human race is not without fault. It is humanly impossible for us to be perfect and be all things to all people at all times. That, unfortunately is not something we want to hear when someone who we want to count on lets us down again and again!
Family is what we believe is our foundation. They are our ride of die folks. They are supposed to be there no matter what happens and when they are not, it shakes us at the very core of our existence. Siblings may have moments of not getting along. Parents may work your nerves but when the rubber meets the road we still EXPECT them to be there! But happens when they’re not?
* We get angry
* We often get depressed
* We feel isolated & violated
* We feel unloved
* We sometimes retaliate
* We feel like we are rejected
* Many let them treat us poorly and act like its not happening
Our thoughts are then, how could they? Even the most un-emotional person would feel something whether they displayed it or not if they felt abandoned in that way. Combating those feelings is no easy task and we don’t want to act as though it doesn’t matter. Doing so creates hidden resentments that spill over into our other relationships and various parts of our life. Displaced feelings create disjointed new relationships! So what should we do? Or more likely what could we do?
* Reality check yourself and think of times you’ve let loved ones down
* Ask yourself what’s going on in their life that could have made them act the way they have
* Ask yourself if this is “just their way” and then see if your expectations match who they really are
* Forgive yourself for expecting them to do what YOU believe a person should do
* Move the heck on and don’t fester in the anger, rejection or sadness
* Face reality they just may not be capable or want to be the person they should or could be and move on
I always say, we can’t get mad at people for being who they are. That’s easier said than done but when looking to people for support whether family support or otherwise LOOK AT THE SOURCE!!!! Are they usually consistent or dependable? Have you trusted them over and over to do things right and they haven’t? Are they consistently known to be manipulators, purposefully helplessness, catastrophically disorganized etc. and the list goes on? If they’re not, maybe they are just going through something and need to get it together. If they are, maybe you will need to look at yourself and learn a better way to deal with things without depending on them. You don’t necessarily need to sever the relationship, but set the terms where you aren’t constantly upset and expecting what you won’t get (or give).
Lastly, just because family has let you down does not mean you have to be in a position to have no one there for you. Just like in the case of adoption, as I said before blood doesn’t make you family - love does! Find people who value you, you value and who are the same page as you to let into your inner circle. See others for who they are, don’t judge them and keep it moving!!!