Copyright 2013 Aleasa M. Word All Rights Reserved

People typically assume the female partner who cheats
with the committed or married man is a woman without morals. After all, how  could she do such a thing if she has proper values in place right?
WRONG!!!

Many men have who like to step outside of their relationships love to pick the “GOOD GIRL” to cheat with and know just how to get her to participate.  These women, though intelligent can often be used BECAUSE of their lifestyles and their values in a way that leaves them broken hearted and riddled with self-esteem issues.  Here are a few reasons why “Bad Boys” love to cheat with “Good Girls.”
 
1. The Secrecy Act:  Many women who fall prey to these types of relationships have built up a solid, healthy reputation in their communities and possibly even nationally.  They have as much to lose as the man who is cheating on his wife or significant other, making secrecy something they can count on almost 100% of the
time. She can’t afford to be looked at as a woman with loose morals having to endure a public scandal.

 2. One Shot Stop:  Not everyone grows up to aspire to be the other woman.  Plenty of women have had relationships that turned out bad and end up alone. These women standing on principal often times get lonely too. These guys know she most likely never did anything like this before and will probably be faithful to them even though they themselves have someone else. This is her first time, and hopefully her last time.  

3.  Clean and Clear:  In a world where sexually transmitted disease transmissions are continuing to rise, unbelievably there are still those who assume because she’s a good girl that somehow makes her instantly disease free.  These are the women these men love!!! They can be free and clear, not using any protection assuming they can’t catch anything because she doesn’t have anything. These young ladies make it easy by proudly volunteering up front they keep their stuff in check and get tested to prove it!  In moves “Mr. I Want to Sleep with You and Dump You” to get a free ride on the good train. 
 
4.  Baby Free Zone:  When the REALLY good girls are selected, the issue of producing a baby is minimized. Because she most likely doesn’t believe in children outside of marriage, some sort of birth control (but not necessarily condoms) will be used to prevent any unwanted pregnancies.  The sad part is even with birth control, IUD or injections, nothing is 100% guaranteed and some men have found
that out the hard way.  “Ummmm, hello wifey….here’s your new step child.”

 5. Hope Springs Eternal:  Because these women usually still  believe true love exists, they are hopeless romantics deep down inside.  This kind of guy is excellent when it comes to honing in on this one and uses it to his advantage.  He appears damaged, in need of an understanding woman and she often feels sorry for him……....End Scene!!!  Wooh, who hasn’t seen this movie before? She’s hooked, desperately trying to play the role of the hero and ends up clearly out of order while he hooks his fish. He’s really good, even pretending to give her tidbits she can prove to condone her needing to help him. 
 
6. Drama Free for Me: This woman gets her feelings intertwined with him before she even realizes what is   happening.  Her self-esteem or confidence is quite high in all areas of her life except for relationships  because she's had to wait so long to get one.  She doesn’t want to drive him away and suppresses everything in her to make sure there is NO DRAMA and he will keep coming back to her.  The tough part is once she realizes she’s not number one, it’s too late and she’s in it for HIM to win it until she gets tired or he moves on. And who knows, in her mind she could be thinking “if I’m not like HER, maybe I’ll be the one.”
 
There are definitely more reasons than these that a “GOOD GIRL” is attractive to a bad boy; however, listing them all would be give those guys more ammunition.  Not all men are like this thank goodness but for those out there who are, I would hope this opens some eyes as women begin to see themselves in one of the scenarios above.  
  
At the end of the day folks, if you don’t want be tied down– simply don’t be tied down. Allow yourself the chance to sew your oats if that’s what you feel you need to do BEFORE you ruin someone else’s heart, break   their trust and leave another bitter person to fend for themselves in the world making it hard for the rest. Though it may be a dog-eat-dog world, it doesn’t have to stay that way but the change can begin with you. In the meantime, I’ll keep praying for all of you!

Copyright  2013  Aleasa M. Word    All Rights Reserved

Life is not fair! How many times have I heard that? I’ve said it, heard it from co-workers and even from children.  What or who determines fair? Is it our pre-conceived notions based on our personal belief systems? Obviously so, because I’ve never seen a “BOOK OF FAIR” published and revised at the birth of every human being right. Fairness itself is always different for every person. Life IS simply what it IS until it changes.

Now with fairness out of the picture, what do we do about our life in general? Many have divorces, parenting issues, job crisis, financial crisis, health crisis and the list goes on. One client said “well I didn’t choose this, life chose it for me.”  I had to think about that for a while and really re-evaluate that statement.  It appeared that the issue at hand was one that randomly dropped in her lap and it did not seem FAIR for all intensive purposes. At the end of the day, self-chosen, fair or not – she had something to deal with.

So wasn’t that was the answer all along, “she had something to deal with?”’  As a coach, people frequent individuals in my field looking for answers. They want solutions to the problems and un-stickers for the stuck places in life. More than likely, the answers have always been there; but, we get bogged down by self-confidence issues that lead to fear and we forget to look for these answers. We have a choice in every situation yet often, we sit complacent waiting for the choice to jump out and grab us.  I like to compare this to building a house.  All of the materials have been ordered and even the right workers are in place but the house is not built. You must CHOOSE to pick up the tools and get to the task of building the house. If you don’t, all you have are workers, tools and bricks. 

With that said, I must ask, what is YOUR threshold for change? When do you decide YOU no longer want to be a project manager, managing the project of life that you were tasked to and decide to pick up the bricks, use the tools and direct the workers? Whether it is a divorce, unemployment or even financial concerns stop choosing the mess and the stress.  Instead, un-choose those and pick the solution for $2000 please! Living in denial or fear sends us into a whirlwind of self-induced paralysis that leads us to the city of “nothingness.”

Attitude, affects our motivation or lack thereof!  Yes it’s possible you’ve had a hard time. It seems as if things that are not I your control have found their way to your doorstep. True, true, true! But does it have to stay that way? Heck NO!!!! On this day stop choosing to live in the squalor of filth and chaos (lies, guilt, jealousy, fear, disorganization, procrastination) and build the damn house! This is your life and you have every right to be happy even if you used to be one of the meanest, cold-hearted people in the world. Yesterday is in your past unless you continue to drag it into your future like a bag of dirty socks adding no value with a stash of hidden motives on the side.

Take this moment to reflect on what you have been choosing or in the coaching world known as tolerating and UN-CHOOSE the mess, lose the stress, and become the best you can be!

Be blessed!

Copyright  2013  Aleasa M. Word    All Rights Reserved
 
A young lady recently reached out to me for help. She was in her early twenties and was a single mother. She had a tough life growing up.  Born to a crack addicted mother and partially raised by a crack addicted father, it was almost as if she had no chance of survival.  Fortunately another family member stepped in to help raise her. They did the best they could but over the years, her pre-disposition to drug abuse finally dug in its ugly heals. 
 
This young woman reached her early twenties and faced odds most of us can only read about just to finally succumb to the environment in which she was born.  After realizing she did something awful that could ultimately affect her two year old  son she needed to find a way out. She wanted to find a way to get out of the cycle of drug addiction, poverty, single parenthood and violence she’d become so accustomed to. But how could she do it, now facing a criminal record? What is a person supposed to do when they mess up so badly one time and they can’t see their way out? What can a person do whose support system is in place but the only thing it’s supporting is a rash of negative words and condescending comments aimed at an already beaten person? 
 
After speaking with this young lady all I could do was cry on the way home and thank God for the opportunities I’ve had and choices I’ve made.  The pain in her eyes cried out to me begging for help as she sat in a state of despair trying her best to hold on to what dignity she had left.  During this moment of revelation I also began to ask myself whether or not I was even equipped to help her. I’ve never been arrested in my life though I’ve worked to help many who have. I wasn’t born to drug addicted parents nor raised by a family member other than my own parents and again I know many who were. Even with that she thanked me over and over for simply listening. She thanked me for caring enough to spend time with her and
for even trying to help her get on track and find a job. 
 
So many of us have no idea the insurmountable odds other face. We try and try to be helpful but end up judging people in the end. We ask questions like “why did they even try drugs if they knew they were susceptible to addiction?” Or other things like “with all of the programs out there to help people now days why would anyone go that way?” Hearing questions like that used to piss me off but now I take a deep breath as I try to digest the ignorance of people who haven’t been there.  In trying to fix our welfare system which was giving a free pass to so many who took advantage, those still in real need of assistance are now suffering because of all of the cuts. Many addiction programs have certain stipulations like: you must have been convicted of a crime, you must be addicted to certain types of drugs or  you must be on public assistance.  We don’t have enough resources and people get desperate. Desperation turns to uncivilized behaviors
that the masses often don’t understand. 
 
I don’t really know what the answer is for this young lady but I do know I’m going to do what I can to help her. She enrolled herself in a drug addiction program after she finally had her one brush with the law. She is now living with these same family members that beat her down every day as the drugs call her name trying to convince her to let them ease the pain as she looks in her baby’s eyes trying with everything she has to beat it.  My hope is that she can get the charge dropped to something lower and get  her life back on track. But if she can’t the cycle of addiction and poverty will continue and her child will be the next one in a line of statistics that need to change.

Copyright 2013  Aleasa M. Word   All Rights Reserved
*Photo's are found publicly on the WWW, we do not claim ownership of photography and will gladly remove if necessary

About a year ago I had the opportunity to listen to a sermon wherein the pastor made in   inference to multiple independent discovery. This is a hypothesis that describes instances of similar and or same discoveries made by scientists working independent of one another within a relatively short time period.  This phenomenon is recognized by historians and sociologists in addition to many in the scientific community. 

The incidence of multiple independent discovery is so repetitive that the scientific community keeps ongoing records of them.  Familiar discoveries of things such as the jet engine, polio vaccine, theory of evolution and even calculus are described as being discovered by more than one person.  The list of recorded discoveries dates as far back as s pre-13th century and is filled with interesting facts. 
 
It appears under the right conditions at the right time it is possible that brilliant minds truly do think alike. But what are those conditions and what makes that timing right? What makes those people continue to plug away at the possibility of their discovery when many of the rest of us continue to procrastinate? How do we go from being a thinker to a person who acts on a hunch or idea and bring it to fruition? 

As a former chronic procrastinator myself, the idea of multiple independent discovery certainly helps me to understand a great deal about my own life. I can now see why my not being the early bird has stopped me from obtaining the worm several times!  Fortunately, having knowledge of such a phenomenon also helps me to forge ahead with a different mindset and educate fellow procrastinators.  
 
So the question now before you is what have you thought of or planned to do and not made any strides toward? Is it a career change you are thinking about? Or have you thought of a brilliant invention that no one has ever put out on the free marketplace? Is it the type of invention that you feel will revolutionize the way we do things, how we make money or help others? In light of the fact  that we have over 6 billion people on earth, it is inevitable that someone else  has either thought of or will think of your idea in the near future. Will you  allow them to take the ball and run with it or will you make a move today? Will  you step out on faith knowing that without action you may possibly lose the best idea you’ve ever had to someone else? 
 
Take time and realize the potential you have for greatness RIGHT NOW! Stop making excuses for why you can’t or won’t do that thing you think is so great. Find out what obstacles are in your way to make it happen before someone else does. Unless it is something you’ve already gotten a patent on, you may be sitting   around next week with the would of, should of, could of thoughts going through your head. It is only a matter of time before the planets, brain cells, or whatever else it takes align properly and another mind just as brilliant as yours may grab that thunder you believe belongs to you!

Copyright 2011 Aleasa M. Word All Rights Reserved
*Photo's are found publicly on the WWW, we do not claim ownership of photography and will gladly remove if necessary.

Everyone and their brother is writing about what happened to those poor babies and brave adults at Sandy Hook Elementary in Connecticut.  The mere thought of
reliving the entire ordeal in a blog makes me literally want to cry. 
  
I am saddened for each and every family who was affected  and I am saddened for America in general.  What kind of world do we live in when people have to debate whether or not to ban assault weapons for anyone other than military or police? I mean think about it.  What would the average person really need them for? Are they planning to shoot up 50 dear at a time as one person said to me? 
 
What is America’s fascination with guns anyway?  Why do so many people feel they need to  have them? The average person who owns a gun for personal use never has to use them for self-defense. More times than not they either collect dust in the house or end up hurting the wrong person.  
 
Do we need to take a deeper look at the Americans who  love guns mindset? Could it be there real issue here is power? Do we feel son  disempowered in our everyday lives that we need to , yearn to, seek to find a
  way to feel like we are on top some way, somehow? Does having a gun give people   an adrenalin rush? All the while people are making millions of dollars off of citizen’s love of guns! Is this a price people want to keep paying for lives?  Do lives have dollar signs attached to them? 
  
I know people go to the shooting range regularly for fun.  They feel on top of the  world when they shoot a target. They say it’s good clean fun! But how can good clean fun be something that could ultimately take people’s lives? 
  
I found it interesting that the NRA deactivated their facebook & twitter accounts after this most recent gun spree at the elementary school. If people have such good reasoning for having these weapons, why hide behind your deactivated computer screens? 
 
Fortunately for me, I don’t want gun in my house! I have no desire to have a gun in my house. I go by the rule of thumb that guns don’t kill people, it’s the people behind them that do. I don’t want to be one of those people. I’m not interested in being that  person whose gun gets found accidentally by a child or is accessible to someone  else who could be in a fit of rage. 
 
So for all of you gun lovers, I hope this terrible mass killing makes you think about your actual reasons for having a gun and the statistics of people who have had to use them for intruders vs the ones who ended up hurting themselves, relatives or helpless individuals.  
  
And to the people of Newtown, CT may God give you comfort  as you mourn your angels.

Copyright 2011     Aleasa M. Word          All Rights Reserved
In memory of the man who inspired this story  in 2011 John C. I am reposting. R.I.P.

Walking into the room, oblivious to anything else  going on, there he stood. Not much to speak of, just a male doing what men do. I  said hello, then he said hello. Then silence. Shortly thereafter, I asked how he  was as we waited for his food to cook in the microwave. He began to make small  talk and then dropped the bomb on me. The "big C" 

Was I friends with this person? NO. Did I really know much about him? NO. Had  I even solicited this information by asking questions about his health? NO. I  was waiting just like he was and then he said it. In an instance I was silent,  yet I knew I should say something. What should I say? What would I say? How
should I react? Did my face have “the look” revealing the letters OMG that just  jumped into my head? Then it struck me. How do you answer cancer? 

I picked up my pieces after only a few seconds which seemed like an hour. I  looked him in the eye and said “you’re going to be fine” as if I  already knew.  I’m not quite sure that was what he expected to hear; but, that’s  what made sense in my mind at that moment. Maybe God gave me those words. For  all of the shock, there was a peace that passed all understanding for this  person who I never really knew on a personal level. (At least for a second that  is.) Though others had been sick before, I began to feel empty for him. He said  “kids get it all the time, so I’ll just have to man up and take my medicine like  they do.” At that second, that very moment, I just wanted to cry and give him a  hug. How could I? Would he be receptive? Would it be appropriate? I stood there  looking at him during that awkward moment crying inside and said “ I will pray  for you.”

When it comes to praying for people I realize praying for someone never costs  us anything. I didn’t even know this man’s views on religion; but,  it came natural to me to say that  to him. He politely said “thank you.” As it never skipping a beat, we continued  on about someone else I knew who’d been recently diagnosed and was getting  treatment. All the while I stood there stunned on the inside, hopeful on the outside.

Why did this man feel he needed to tell me about his recent diagnosis? Was he  that comfortable being around me? Did he feel a peace in the room that I was not privy too? Or  did he just need to talk? Was saying it his way of making it real and accepting  it? How could he just blurt it out? One thing for sure, this was not at all  about me. It was about what he needed to do deal with the cards he was dealt.   It was about my good friend who’d given me her praise report that same day that  she didn’t have the big "C" but had been concerned.  

Suddenly the microwave beeped. What was I supposed to do now? How was this  conversation supposed to end? How can you just walk away when someone drops something this heavy in your lap? How do you answer cancer?  

Having a few relatives who survived breast cancer when I was younger didn’t  give me a real insight into what people have to go through when they have it.  Unless you’re on the front line with them, you don’t have any idea of what it’s  like to deal with the chemotherapy and radiation. No clue about all of the  follow up visits hoping it’s gone. Whether you know these things exist or not,  to know it and to live it are two different beasts. 

God knows I hope we soon find a cure for this dreadful disease. Everyone from  celebrities to John Doe on the street can step into cancer’s path at any time.  They too may be hard pressed to answer the question - How do you answer  cancer?

To them and to you I hope that you may stay well. For those who have it, all  I can really say is be encouraged - though I have no idea at all how you are  really feeling inside. I do know that whatever you are feeling or whatever you  are going through, I give you my love and prayers. I have no answer for cancer
but I know God does.

Copyright 2012    Aleasa M. Word       All Rights Reserved

It’s funny how as we age we begin to hear people say things like “I was born alone, I’ll die alone.” Each time I hear that statement, I can’t  help but wonder “what about thelivingin between birth and  death?”  So many people are afraid  to be alone they’ll do almost anything not to be. They’ll pick up random road  partners, roommates, party mates, bed mates and so on.  Where does that come from? Is it part of that old psychologist Abraham Maslow’s self-actualization  hierarchy of needs under the “belonging” heading? Or is it that we have become so used to congregating together in the civilized world we don’t know how to function independent of others? Maybe it goes back as far as biblical times  where it was written that God said “it is not good for man to be alone.”  Though this is believed to be true by many I venture to add “it is also not good for man to make a mess he doesn’t want to live with.”   Whatever the reason for it, loneliness exists. Now there  is a big difference in being alone and lonely as we all know. There aren’t too   many of us who haven’t known people who are married, have children or some  other significant other but still seek significance everywhere they go. These   people are surrounded by others but are very lonely on the inside. They have not found a connection within themselves that permits them to feel the companionship of others in their circle. In some cases the “others” they have   in their life serve as nothing more than white noise, just there for the ride   for no rhyme or reason. There is no positive purpose, they just exist. 

· How many do you know that have these white noise types of intimate relationships? Are you one?
· Have you ever questioned your motives or those of others who have someone in their life yet they have no 
  real desire to be with them?
· What is so lacking in a person that they would continue to tolerate this?
· How do we uncover or rebuild our value systems to avoid settling “just so that we have  someone? “
· Is it that people are worried others will see them as inadequate if they don’t have a  mate?

I’d like to think this loneliness avoidance strategy only pertains to those who have been in long term relationships and lost their desire to function alone, but that’s not true. From those green to the intimate   relationship world and those who are veterans, it happens every day. What can we do to deal with this and maintain our dignity at the same time?
 
· Remember, just  because you are by yourself does not mean anything is wrong with you. 
· Create your OWN  set of relationship standards with non-negotiables that you know you need to be happy  
  and connected to a partner.
· Develop your OWN hobbies, habits and interests to fulfill you before your try to fulfill someone else or vice
  versa. 
· Date yourself  for a while so YOU may like YOU all by yourself and increase the likelihood of  finding
  someone who likes you just as you  are.
 
It’s a sad reality, relationships just aren’t’ what they   used to be.  Many people lack  values and throw away hearts like tissues. This has created a culture full of  bitter people who stay alone and miserable or others so desperate for  companionship they will stay with anyone rather than being by themselves. 
 
Far be it from me to tell anyone to leave a relationship unless they were in physical danger. Yet, I will say you need to ask yourself if the position your mate is in can be filled with anyone similar to them. If   the answer is yes, they have become merely a placeholder in your life and  that’s not fair to them or you. If the answer is no, they are irreplaceable, then more than likely your relationship is pretty solid at least from your  perspective. Either way, loneliness is a state of mind that comes from within. It is best served with introspection and learning to be whole all by yourself. 
 





 

Copyright 2012    Aleasa M. Word      All Rights Reserved

Each day we are faced with choices. Sometimes it’s very hard to decide which road to travel on. On second thought forget that I said sometimes and instead replace that with most of the time. But how do we choose when it comes to matters of the heart?

Hopefully people can relate to both good and bad relationship experiences. However, in this world we live in today more report they’ve never really experienced a good relationship. The question is how do we determine what a good relationship is?

·       What standards do we use, ours or the world’s?

·       What relationships have we seen to use as the benchmark?

·       What qualifications do we possess to say we know what a good relationship is?

·       Is a “good” relationship determined on a case to case basis as it relates to your individual relationship rhythm?

No matter how you answer the questions above, one factor a lot of people are faced with when they do decide to look for or enter into a relationship is whether or not they should choose love or security. Old school relationship standards picked security over love. Many young women 20 to 30 years ago were taught to be with the man who could provide for you and you would learn to love him. But I wonder:

·       Is that really possible to force love with a person?

·       Can you learn to love someone because they represent security in life?

·        Is it possible to develop a deep, passionate love for someone whose main attraction was security?

Should you instead follow your heart and choose the person who makes you happy? This is the same person who you share dreams or goals with. This is the person who may have potential but is probably not in that place of security yet. Your heart is captive to them. After all the heart wants what it wants right?

It’s all up to individual choices. With the potential mate who you love, you run the risk of them never reaching their full potential. Can you handle that, or is that ok because you’d rather be happily in love than secure? Should you choose the one who works or has a business and can help save towards the future or in some instances take care of you? Will you be fulfilled or will you find yourself straying because they were never what you really wanted in the first place?

Love is a splendid but funny thing as is life itself. When asked the question should one pick Love or Security, I think it depends where you are in your life. If you are established, have had your children, gone through divorce, purchased a home and such love may be what you are looking for. You may not be in a place where you are looking for security in another person because somehow you’ve been able to develop it for yourself due to circumstances.  If you are younger and looking to start out in life with a family, new home and such you may decide security is more important to you. You may want to have a solid unit for your children or even for yourself. You may need to feel that safety net when you come home from work or even if you’re a stay at home person.

No matter what it is that you choose make it an individual choice. Don’t let the world’s opinion of what YOU need to do in YOUR life impact your decision unless the decision s somehow violent or detrimental to your well-being. People connect with others for various reasons at various times in their life. Choose what is best for you because the world will certainly do the same and not ask for your opinion!

How many times have you heard people gossiping about other people as if they were better than them? You know the type - those holier than thou folks that we all claim to not like. What about when we become that snooty, I’m better than you person? How can we not recognize this despised trait within our own selves yet continuously see it in others?

As time goes on, memories of things we’ve done in our past sometimes conveniently slip away. Even if we remember, we somehow manage to justify why behaviors were acceptable when we engaged in them.  We become quite the expert in giving a run down on the extenuating circumstances or even minimize the deviance of our behaviors. We then go on to shift the focus from ourselves to the person we are bashing or looking down our noses at.

The reality is we all came from somewhere to get to where we are today. There are many parents, aunts, uncles and other relatives who have loads of old skeletons in their closets trying to spill their way back out into view of others. Those people are usually ashamed of their wayward years as young adults and do their best to keep these things hidden.  Does it really help anyone when we decide to hide those past behaviors? People often look over their shoulder, telling lies to cover up lies to appear perfect on the surface.

Too many times in life, we hear references to breaking the cycle. How do we break those cycles of generations full of bad or not so good behaviors? Certainly forgetting where we came from and looking down on others doesn’t appear to be the right way. But what is the answer? How do we allow the secrets to come out and avoid humiliation or our children thinking what’s good for the goose is good for the gander? What impact do we have on others who we don’t even know when we act like we’ve always been upstanding?

A great deal of people are turned off from some very nice religious choices for these very reasons. Some people shake, rattle and roll on Sundays forgetting all about their past indiscretions. Some of those indiscretions were even from the night before. Now don’t get me wrong, everyone has a right to change and hopefully for the better. But does that entitle them to feel as though they are now superior to others who are currently where they used to be? Or does it really mean because they were there they should be more helpful and understanding of others in that position?

Isn’t it the role of people to help other people? With that thought, couldn’t the mere fact that you’ve made some mistakes be the help some people need? Even theologians know Jesus surrounded himself with the less than desirables in an effort to pull them away from what they were doing wrong. He never looked down on them or proclaimed he was better. He most definitely didn’t do as many people today do by misusing the scriptures when the word refers to a passage that says “come out from amongst them” just to have an excuse to look down on them.

We all have had things we aren’t proud of that are part of the who we are now. It is those things that should keep us humble and allow us compassion towards our fellow man or woman when they slip. If we could only embrace people by remembering back to how we thought or felt during our less than virtuous times, perhaps we could be of better service to others.  It is no secret that our minds don’t even think the same way at 22 as they would at 42. Knowing that surely speaks to the fact that young people need guidance. Who better to guide them then someone who has been there? The guidance, however should come without judging but with love and compassion.

For all of the parents looking appallingly at their children, don’t forget those late nights filled with underage drinking and dangerous liaisons that perhaps you or some of your friends may have engaged in. No one is condoning or encouraging such behavior, but having some understanding may be the difference between connecting which can draw someone out of that life or disconnecting and pushing them further into it.

Today’s world offers a mind set of “get it now.” If you want to “get it later,” it’s often too late. The faster we go the more we seem to rush to get nowhere. Once we get there we can’t quite complete our tasks the way we wanted to because there’s always something else to do.

Has America become too busy to accomplish anything? Whether in a single parent home or a home with two parents we are stretched from one end to the other. Somehow 24 hours in a day used to be long enough to allow time for rest and fun. Now, 24 hours is not enough time to fit in most of our professional requirements let alone any rest or playtime.

·       How did this all happen?

·       Why compete with other countries to be better or the best, yet falling behind still in everything we do?

·       How are other cultures beating us by leaps and bounds in technology and educating their children?

·       Are they just more adept at organizing their time - afterall 24 hours is 24 hours right?

As a child, I truly believe I saw far more of my mother in a relaxed mode than my children do of me. From the moment I wake up until the time I fall asleep I’m working. Now granted, my mother was married to my step father so there were two to share the load “TECHNICALLY.” In reality my mom still cooked, cleaned the house, took care of us and even held down a full-time job. Keeping that in mind, we still managed to have time to eat together, play board games and even help her with the 1000 to 5000 piece puzzles she loved so much. That’s enough to make a new millennium parent feel slightly inadequate at times.

Why is it we can’t manage to do it all if our parents did?  Perhaps it’s because we work further away from our jobs than prior generations. Maybe it’s because the workday has been extended from what it once was. Or could it be the responsibilities at work are so taxing we just don’t have the energy to do more? Add to that all of the kid’s extracurricular activities or the families in the lurch working two and three jobs just to make ends meet you then have America 2012!

I’ve noticed with all I have going on, it is often that I have far more projects started or thought about than I have completed.  So in the meantime what are we getting done? It seems like we have all these pots started but can’t seem to get a damn thing cooked. As soon as one starts boiling we tend to it. Then another one starts to pop and we have to turn it down. In the middle of that something is sticking on the back of the stove and we reach over nearly burning our self (or burning out) in the process. How do we manage it all?

The answer is simply F.O.C.U.S.  That’s easier said than done right? Or instead is that word just too broad? Well try this on for size because it seems more feasible.

·       Focus

·       On one

·       Course of action

·       Until

·       Successfully completed – F.O.C.U.S!!

Yes, that really is the answer. Sometimes we fill our plates up so much we make it virtually impossible to complete anything. Taking an assessment of our priorities and then putting them in order according to importance is the only way to turn that mountain of responsibility into a mole hill.  At that point we can work on one task at a time and finish it!

Life is hard enough as it is. We all want to feel a sense of accomplishment naturally. Having too much to do and not getting any of it done eats away at our self-esteem because we feel incompetent.  We ARE competent under the right circumstances, but it’s up to us to create those.  So for now, keep on fixing those pots but don’t put so many on at the same time.  You’ll feel a lot better knowing that you are accomplishing the things you need to complete!